The search for happiness is a lifelong journey, often involving the discovery and rediscovery of our ever evolving values and aligning our actions with them. Yet, merely living in accordance with our values does not guarantee happiness. There will be times when we are inevitably faced with unmet needs and misaligned expectations. Happiness comes after we navigate through these challenges with introspection, understand our needs and take actions to live authentically.
Our values reside in the depth of our lived experiences. They come from the joyful and painful moments that shaped us into who we are. We ought to delve into our memories and recall instances where we felt genuinely fulfilled, content, or proud, as well as times that triggered unease, conflict, or disappointment. By examining the circumstances, actions, and consequences associated with these experiences, we begin to discover the values that have guided our choices, and a deeper understanding of what truly matters to us.
Social media constantly feeds us images and stories that showcase a perfect version of happiness and success. But this idealized world is often unattainable and can be detrimental to our well-being. It can foster feelings of inadequacy and create a disconnect between our dreams and realities. We must adjust our expectations to live a life of our own, and recognize that happiness is the process, not the destination, intertwined with challenges and suffering.
The full spectrum of human emotions encompasses not only joy but also sadness, anger, fear, and disappointment. These emotions are not signs of failure or weakness. They are valid responses to life’s complexities. By allowing ourselves to feel these emotions without judgment, we can accept them as part of our experience, cultivating realistic expectations about what it means to live a fulfilling life.
Beyond values, our well-being depends on fulfilling a range of physiological, psychological, and emotional needs. Unfulfilled needs can lead to a persistent sense of dissatisfaction that cannot be resolved by values alone. One widely recognized theory is Moslow’s hierarchy of needs, though it’s essential to remember that individuals and cultures prioritize needs differently.
Here are several broad categories to consider:
- Security: Includes our need for physical safety, financial stability, and a sense of control in our lives.
- Belonging: Humans are social creatures. We crave connection, acceptance, the feeling of being loved, valued, and understood. A lack of belonging can lead to loneliness, isoliation, and a low sense of self-worth.
- Autonomy: We desire the freedom to make choices that align with our values and goals. Feeling controlled by external factors can lead to frustration and resentment.
- Purpose: We need to feel that our lives have meaning and significance. We want to pursue goals that we find meaningful. A lack of purpose often leads to emptiness and boredom.
Identifying the unmet needs requires honest self-reflection and confronting the uncomfortable truths that we have long refused to acknowledge. This process involves overcoming defense mechanisms such as denial and repression that shield us from these truths. It also requires us to get rid of social conditioning and expectations to discover what we genuinely want.
Once we’ve identified the needs, we can take steps to fulfill them. This often involves facing the fear of the unknown that comes with change. It might mean re-evaluating our relationships, making a career change, or redefining our lifestyles. It could also involve setting healthy boundaries or learning to prioritize our well-being.
Attempting to fulfill multiple needs can lead to conflicts. We have limited time, energy and resources. Prioritizing one need means we have to neglect another, leading to feelings of guilt. Sometimes, our needs clash with our values and aspirations. Life may also present unexpected circumstances that we aren’t prepared to handle. It’s crucial to recognize that we may never be able to fulfill every need. As such, we must be kind to ourselves and accept that certain needs will go unmet.
When our fundamental needs are met, we have built the foundation for happiness and fulfillment, freeing ourselves to pursue our passions and live in alignment with our values.